I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
