did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize