I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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