I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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