Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
