her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
