24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize