You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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