he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
