"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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