Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
