Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Randomize
