He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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