I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
