Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
