Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Never let your siblings swipe right.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
