Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
