I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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