wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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