I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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