Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
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