I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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