bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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