So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
