At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
