My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Randomize