There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
