So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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