you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
