i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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