The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
