My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Edward fifth and chaser hands
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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