i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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