THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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