if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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