broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
