my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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