The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize