Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
