if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
