The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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