I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
