We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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