Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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