Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
