woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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