we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
