ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
