I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
zippers are such a cool invention
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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