Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
