honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
