And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize