College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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