Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
