: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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