It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
