It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
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