Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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