i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
