i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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