1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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