i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
