If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
