So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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