On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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