whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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