Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
