I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize