Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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