U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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