I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
