Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize