ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
