you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
