in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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