Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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