I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
