I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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