Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
