I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Randomize
