So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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