I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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